Remain the same...

      I'm getting scare ryte now because mak is still with her same condition.. i mean last 2 day was a blast but this morning she started to act irrationally, she almost simbah abah dengan air during sahur.. Plus insist of going to Shah Alam to make a new spectacles.. tadi i dont even salam her because i'm running away from her . she was asking me to drop her somewhere, and by a cab she will fulfill her needs.
     Right now, abah is entertaining her.. Poor abah, i cant do anything, practical training is forbid to take a leave, i already take a few leave in the past and it can't be everyday.. huhuhu.. :( hope abah will patiently treat her..

Hope..

         Hrmm.. where shall i start? well today will be one of the most memorable day in my life.. since condition mak is getting worst, me n abah decided to take mak berubat to darusyifa'.. (hoping that she'll be better soon). Who would have thought, b4 mandi air penawar tu , mak suddenly ran amuk, we totally afraid yg die xkn mandi air tu so i decided tuk mandikan die but she's screaming n crying saying that she can do it by herself.. she almost bite tgn abah tyme halau kami dri bilik... God... this is not her.. She even ask me n abah to mandi aii penawar coz she said both of us are crazy.

         After mandi, she's still talking nonsense bout buying this buying that and so on..Things getting worst during Asar..Tyme maghrib, we thought that she'll be normal, thinking that the cause of her behavior is Gangguan.. but our thought was wrong, while performing solat maghrib, she suddenly stop during 2nd rakaat , give salam and pray. The worst part is when we're heading to Masjid for solat terawih, at home she mentioned no need to bring her chair for solat coz she can stand, but on the way, she's screaming like crazee asking us to u turn to take her chair.. Thank God there's no car behind us coz abah terpakse emergency break coz she's shouting like crazy to him.. Poor abah..So we have to cancel our plan to perform terawih at masjid

        So kitorg pun solat terawih kat umah, pi mak terlupa solat then she's crying asking for forgiveness from us n realize that she's forgetful nowadays.. But. when nak masuk solat terawih yg terakhir, she stop praying n said she's hungry n act as irrational as usual..

THE END OF ONE MEMORABLE DAY..


          

My biggest fear....

               Takut... takut n sangat takut... huhuhuhu... afraid that everything will be different from now on.... Tired of imagining what will be after this... what changes gonna give us the hard time... n the most important thing is are we going to make it? the answer.... will see... huhuhuhuhu

I'm just a victim... :(

      Look at my life... my only pathetic life.... what should i say, what should i do... What will u do if the person that u hate most or mad at is your own mother????? No one can feel what i feel... My life is ruin... by my very own mother who i trust n love most!!! What else she's going to do to me? Why is it so damn hard for me to understand her... most of the time i just blaming myself n accepting the fact the she is just doing that because she love me...

     But now, i can't deal with it anymore.... At this moment i have no one to talk too.. Lonely.. Depressed and unstable... It's like i'm living in other body, can't control myself.. All been done by the most powerful controller a.k.a my BELOVED mother.... i can't say that i'm overprotected, infact i'm not protected at all... hahaha... pity me...

    Tragically, everytime she's interrupting my life. she turns my world upside down... chaos... totally chaos...

                                                         

When the whole worlds turnin left
It's when I'm goin right
I need someone to let me be
Just who I am inside.... 

       As for my very own bestfriend, i thought frenship for more than 10 years will teach u or show u the real life of me.. the person who i thought the most will understand me but somehow be the one that i hardly recognize at all... Suprising me... our frenship changed when u're with him... n now u treating me as if our frenship is not meaningful at all.... Thank for all of it...

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm, in this condition
And I've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry...................

Mencari ketenangan...

         Alhamdulillah... ketenangan yg aku cari selama ini aku dah temui... bukan dari family, bukan dari kawan2 malah bukan dari kekasih duniaku... Aku bersyukur dengan ketenangan yang ku miliki sekarang... Hampir padaNya.. 

         Thank you Allah... Alhamdulillah... :)

Hanya Tuhan yg Lebih Tahu....

No proper word can describe the way that i feel right now.... A help from a song might works....

Andai sampainya waktu aku harus tinggalkan mu
Akan aku berlalu bila tiba saat itu
Tak guna kau merayu dan tak perlu menahanku
Kerana yang berlalu kehendakmu

Hanya tuhan yang lebih tahu
Susah senang hidup dengan mu
Sumpah janji semakin layu
Hingga kini jatuh satu persatu
Engkau membiarkan ku

Air mata bertamu tidak kenal erti jemu
Menemani hatiku tidak mengenal ruang waktu
Mengapa dari dulu tak kau kata kan padaku
Kehadiranku ini menyusahkan

Yang terhalang kejujuranku
Dan yang terbilang kesilapanku
Memang payah dimengertikan
kerana tertutup pintu hati mu
Terima penjelasan

Biar apa jua tafsiran
Yang ingin kau nyatakan
Aku rela terima semua....

Ouchhh....

       Hurt is what i feel ryte now... You've hurt me.. and i bet when u read this you know who you are.. why? why did you do that? I thought we already had a deal.. anything going on between us you  wouldn't exposed it to anyone else.. It was supposed to be our privacy.. But you just reveal it publicly, embarrass me just like that..

       I don't know what i should feel right now.. i'm mad, sad, frustrated, all of it.. :( tq so much for it.. tq SO DAMN MUCH!!! Nothing you can do to make it right now... nothing... For all this while, i try my best to cover everything about us from my surrounding.. to 'jaga air muka lah katakan' to protect you .... But what you did yesterday is SUPERB... It's ok... Go ahead..

      I'm just an ordinary gurl that were born to be humiliated like that... And thanks for you're frens advice about letting me go and find another.. Maybe it's a good advice actually... i'm just useless.. and for sure there are thousands of gurl that far more better than me...